Reasons Why I Can't be Your GF Right NOW...

1. After 9 months of 'courtship' you have not disclosed your true marital status to me, (despite my frequent requests which became boarderline begging, for you to do so) for all I know you could still be married to your 3rd wife! Are you? Still married 'on paper' to no. 3? (It's a mute question, of course - and one of the last I'll ever ask, because your non-answer IS my answer to this question - it's not likely that I'll be looking to you for any 'other answers', to any other thing in my life, henceforth...) I think that what you really need is a gf who doesn't care - I'm sure there's plenty who'll turn themselves out - there for you.

2. I'm trying to lead a drug free life for as long as I possibly can. You just told me that going a day with out any alcohol scares you silly. You seem to have totally forgotten that just the opposite - being with someone who's alcohol dependant - TERRIFIES me. I understand that you need to be heavily medicated due to your disabilities. I don't think you understand, that, to the 'sober' partner, a relationship with an addict, is sometimes like being seated at the tea party with the mad hatter and the March hare - nothing makes sense & this goes on and on until things get downright scary because you begin to loose sight of any possible means of escaping the insanity. How vibrant and viable is the life when you get to questioning what is really good and true and what isn't... how much of what is exchanged - is the substance influencing? I mean, even Alice was allowed to leave wonderland and come up for some 'reality air' - after a time.

3. You've not lived up to your own promises to me. Most especially the promise to communicate with me. I began this relationship with you because you outlined 4 specific principles to serve as our guideline which happened to be exactly what I've been looking for in a mutually exclusive, and loving relationship with a man - he doesn't have to be perfect but 'my man' does have to try to live up to his own ideals and his agreements with me.

You said:

• God will be at the head of 'us'
• we will love each other
• we will talk openly and honestly about any and all problems between us
• and lastly, we will not cheat - which, we further defined, as maintaining some respect and a certain gentil loyalty to each other, "even if" we should ever decide to go separate ways.

4. I am at risk for being guilty of this myself, but, I must say here: We both have a way of 'Fault Finding' that I believe will be ruinous (to us both) in a long term relationship. To make it work we'd have to unwaveringly adhere to that 'communication promise' and I just don't see that happening with either one of us!

5. Everytime I've prayed about this relationship - Everytime I've prayed about you and me, about me leaving everything I have (which is what you've basically asked me to do) to be with you, God has told me, "No."

Which, confusses the heck out of me, because for some reason I can't explain, I still feel strongly that I need, that our Heavenly Father wants me to maintain a loving and postitive contact with you, I strongly believe, even now, that HE has put us 'together' - for His own purposes... whatever those might be... (God help me, this "No" should have been the first thing and only thing I've paid attention to - have I made a collossal mistake, in allowing myself to get too emotionally embedded with you...? I know, that if I do not pay very close attention to the whisperings and the promptings of the good spirit here, that there'll be hell to pay someday... I am sorry, darlin', I can't be something I'm not for you - ! I can't leaving everything I've worked so very hard for - just to move closer to you, to take care of you - when you won't conclusively define that you are open, legally - never mind 'otherwise' - to having a close, personal relationship & I can not, I will not, be one of your on-line whores!)